Movie Review - The Strangers
Victoria Alexander
FilmsInReview.com

So terrifying I watched the whole movie through a slit between two fingers.

My weekly column, "The Devil's Hammer," is posted every Monday. The Devil's Hammer on FTB. If you would like to be included on my distribution list for a weekly preview, just email me at masauu@aol.com.

It starts off real slow with Kristen (Liv Tyler) and James (Scott Speedman) returning from a wedding reception to an isolated vacation house. They are an unhappy couple soon breaking up. Its 4 A.M. and there is a thunderous pounding at the front door. A young girl asks for someone. The mysterious stranger leaves but Kristen is out of cigarettes, so James goes out to get her some. Now Kristen is left alone in the house.

You know what happens. First Kristen is terrorized by spookiness and then when James comes back, they are violently attacked by three people wearing creepy masks. Being perfect movie victims, Kristen and James do everything wrong even though they have cell phones, a portable land line phone, a huge chef's carving knife and two high-powered rifles. Because, logically, movie victims kiss, scream "Why is this happening to us?", and then throw away all weapons.

Movie victims are never wearing the right clothes. They are always in bikinis or gowns and high heels.

Apparently, movie victims can't run while brandishing a Henckels 8 inch carver.

I love these movies because you get to see all the things you shouldn't do. Duct tape that knife to your wrist! Smash a mirror and cover your body and hair with broken pieces of glass sharp edge jutting out (tip from my South L.A. girl gang days). Whatever you do, don't drop that rifle. Break that champagne bottle and use it as a weapon. Get to the roof (I've been to Masada and taking the high ground is a military advantage) and lie in wait.

Sun-tzu said: Generally, on positioning the army and observing the enemy: To cross mountains, stay close to the valleys; observe on high ground and face the sunny side. If the enemy holds the high ground, do not ascend and do battle with him.

Finally, don't cry.

I did an IMDB.com search on the writer/director, Bryan Bertino. Huh? This is his first credit? Bertino is very talented. The only weakness is the casting of Tyler and Speedman. Tyler is just too visually big to be cowering in corners. Her face is a blank slate. Compensating for her big frame, her voice is like a sparrow. Speedman is also expressionless. But, considering how terrific Bertino is at building tension and fear, Paris Hilton could have played Kristen. If only Bertino could have gotten to an actress like Kate Hudson, who can show she is thinking instead of talking. It's not as easy as it sounds.

Even walking to the car in the bright, hot, Las Vegas sunshine after the film, I was still scared. Spending the night home alone, as usual, I barracked myself in my bedroom. Luckily, our upright piano is on wheels. And then there is always the two Tasers (the Advanced M18/M18L and The Cobra StunLighttm) and the Glock.

Following the Kristen and James model of victimization, I would forgo calling 911.

Victoria Alexander lives in Las Vegas, Nevada and answers every email. You can contact Victoria directly at masauu@aol.com.

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